It's just a blog. So who cares if the whole world reads my journal?

Who knew a tiny baby could take up so much time...other than every mother in the world?! We just moved to the Chicago area (or to the native Chicagoian, Chicagoland)and I'm almost positive we just got here this morning, or that's the way it looks from all the boxes that surround me. I can't wait to stop sitting on boxes as chairs, and using the fridge box as a table. Alright, it's not that bad, but it does seem this way. I blame my wonderful, beautiful baby...it really is all her fault!

The last 6 months have been the most painful and difficult time I've had in my entire life. I can't even begin to describe half of what I've felt. It's not even that I couldn't find the words, it's that there really aren't words...or at least I haven't found any that could come close to articulating the overwhelming emotions tied to everything.

I was immensely blessed to care for the most phenomenal woman I've ever known- my mother. She was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease just over 2 years ago. She moved in with me last January so that we could care for her. She passed away in my home on September 9th. She lived and died with dignity, grace and a Christ-like love in her heart that I've never seen in any other. I miss her so much and I feel that daily.

Almost exactly 3 months after my mom passed away, I gave birth do my beautiful, sixth child, Leah Kathryn AnnEtta. She is our last and we couldn't have ended more perfectly. She is a wonderful mix of all our daughters and she has already brought such a spirit into our lives that I can't imagine being without.

In January, we accepted an opportunity to move away from what had not only become home again, but was the only place where the memories of my mom were so strong. We would leave the home where I cared for her and she died. We would leave the family (siblings) I so badly needed and start over in a place we had never been. I had so many mixed emotions about this. Not only did I have a newborn baby, but we would only have about 6 weeks in which to pack and make this 1200 mile move. Shelf any and all pain and mourning indefinitely.

We're here. There's so much to say about that, but for purposes I won't go into (I'll probably put that in another post someday...maybe), I'll briefly touch on my latest emotional state.

I'm in a place I have never been. I've been battling and feeling emotions that have never existed in my world. I'm not worried (although I was for a week or two), just frustrated. How long does it take to heal? I know that external factors are a huge part of the healing process, but there needs to be deadline. I have a family to take care of, a home to settle and life to live.

That being said, there is no part of me that worries I won't be fine. I just know that there's a certain protocol here, so I'm going to have to figure out what that is, so I never have to look back. That's the trick, isn't it? Learning, but not having to re-live. Quite an art, I believe.